Things I Learned From Watching Horror Movies

Things I Learned From Watching Horror Movies 1) When a killer is loose, it's always a good idea to sneak up on your friends. 2) Adults are idiots. 3) Local law enforcement are idiots. 4) The crazy old guy in town is always right. 5) When you get shot or stabbed, you won't go into shock. 6) Even if the killer has been electrocuted, impaled, and/or blown up, he's still alive. 7) Monsters know where circuit breakers are and how to turn them off. 8) Regardless of how dependable your vehicle is, it will not start when you are being chased by a killer. 9) If you're African American, you will die. 10) If you're the hero's best friend, you will die. 11) It was only a dream. 12) Even if the killer is human, he has superhuman strength. 13) When you hear a sound in the other room, always say hello and ask if anyone is in there. 14) Cell phones don't work anywhere. 15) The phone cord is always cut. 16) No matter how creepy the hillbilly family looks, you can trust them. 17) Don't have sex - you will die. 18) When the killer is downstairs, always run upstairs. 19) Once you've hit the killer, always check to see if he's really dead, or run away. 20) When you're sneaking through a house, a cat or bird will startle you. 21) Ghosts like to just knock things off shelves and slam doors. 22) Your neighbors can't hear gunshots, screams, or explosions. 23) Windows are always unlocked. 24) No matter how slow the killer walks, he will catch up with you. 25) There's always a storm when you're checking out an old house. 26) Killers like to hang up their victims to scare the hero. 27) When someone knocks you out, you won't get a concussion. 28) All doors creak. 29) If there are any fragile objects such as glass, they will break. 30) The first phone caller is not the killer.

Cliches of the Silver Screen

Cliches of the Silver Screen 1) A character will always overhear a conversation and get the wrong idea. 2) When walking into a room, someone will always answer a question they could not possibly have heard. 3) Two characters will attempt to kiss, only to be interrupted. 4) One person has vital information to tell another, but after the other person says what they want to say and asks what they wanted, they say "nothing" or lie. 5) Professional killers can damage everything but the person they're trying to kill. 6) An evil mastermind will always explain their plan to the secret agent they have caught. 7) Characters can jump across buildings and catch a ledge without fracturing any bones. 8) Characters can also jump down from tall heights, but not break their legs. 9) Cops can always kick in doors, no matter what they're made of. 10) Characters will always point a gun at someone, but not cock it, which normally would give their foe a chance to shoot them or escape. 11) Characters who are thrown through glass windows never get cut. 12) After making love, either the couple will be fully dressed in bed, or the man will have a sheet up to his waist and the woman will have a sheet up to her neck. 13) Even in the seediest areas of a city, no one will lock their cars. 14) People will always leave their keys in their cars, often in the ignition. 15) Everyone knows how to drive motorcycles, boats, and planes. 16) A person who has never picked up a gun will shoot their enemies with accuracy that their assailants don't have. 17) When someone punches another person in a bar, a bar fight will always start up. 18) If someone gets mad because their cell phone isn't working, they will always throw it. 19) Anyone will be able to hack into high security computers. 20) Amateur family photos always look like they were professionally done. 21) If a character runs across a street, they will be hit by a car, but they won't be injured. 22) In a fight, the woman will always choose a vase to break over the bad guy's head. 23) Being hit with a bottle or a vase will not give a character a concussion. 24) No matter how thick the glass is, characters can jump through it. 25) When one character tells another, "you look terrible", the other character doesn't look any different. 26) Women will always wake up in the morning with their hair and makeup perfect. 27) If a man runs down a beam or pipe, he will slip and fall on his crotch, but not be injured. 28) All characters can breathe underwater indefinitely. 29) If a bad guy is shooting from a balcony, he will be shot and fall through the railing. 30) When running from an explosion, characters will not be injured or killed by shrapnel or debris. 31) All characters know the phone numbers and houses where other characters live. 32) After the bad guy wrecks his car, the good guy will run up to the driver side, only to discover that the bad guy has disappeared. 33) If there's a car chase, there's an endangered fruit stand. 34. A semi truck will always appear when cars are in both lanes. 35. A superhuman villain will throw a person across a room, usually into a wall or shelf, but the person will not be injured. 36. If the good guy is fighting the bad guy and scratches his cheek, that's when the battle begins. 37. PCs boot up and instantly go online, even if the character has dial-up. 38. When there's a virus on a PC, there will be a big red screen saying "VIRUS". 39. Alcoholics and people who eat junk food have perfect bodies. 40. All nerdy women look like supermodels when they take off their glasses.

Thing My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next

week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and

break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in

an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about
CONTORTION-ISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"


13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this

world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home"

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

”You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up"

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Only you folks my age understand these profound statements!!!

But, there is one missing from this list ~~ My personal all time favorite!!

My mother taught me about CHOICE.

"Do you want me to stop this car?"

Review of Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words

Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words

You rated this movie: 3

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One major problem not mentioned is the bad edits, over 30 before I lost count of the black screen cuts between every single skit whether he changed places, positions or even stories, blank screen cuts ruined it repeatedly, worse the angle didn't change so why it cut in between??? The humor is intelligent BUT it's also as if he thinks he's too smart for the audience, or anyone, and he is all over the place topic & skit wise, about 75% music. I would not watch this again nor do *I recommend it because there are much funnier acts to spend the time & money to see. Maybe someday he will polish his act a bit, get some humility, be worth the time and money, but he's not there yet unfortunately.